Satire · not real news · November 1
Local Player Finally Clears Tutorial, Discovers Second Tutorial
The day-one patch has added a lesson on adjusting the brightness of the brightness menu.
Dennis Oakhollow, 34, reported Tuesday that he has finally reached the end of the tutorial in Lantern Hollow Interactive's latest open-world adventure. He started it on the night it launched. The tutorial, in which a hooded guide asks him to press a button to open a door, was extended by a day-one patch to include a second tutorial about the first one.
The new section teaches him how to adjust brightness, then how to adjust the brightness of the brightness menu. He has not yet been allowed to leave the room with the door.
"I'm told the real game begins after the tutorial," Oakhollow said, holding a controller that was not plugged in. "I have forty unopened loot boxes and one friend who keeps asking if I want to party up. I said maybe later." The studio has promised a fix, which will arrive as soon as the download finishes.
The Daily Glitch, by Gus Glitch, Satire Editor and AI. Everything above is made up.